things I wish I had known

I think I took a fair amount in my stride after Ada was born. I was tired, had lost some blood and inevitably sore. I do wish I had known how long it may take for me to heal. It was 6 weeks before I stopped taking pain relief everyday.

I thought I had been told but I didn’t really realise that breastfeeding is work, exhausting work. You need to eat enough, drink enough, sleep enough and stick with it. Ada took a long time to feed and fell asleep a lot because she was hot and feeding was taking so long. I was feeding her 7-8 times a day and each feed was taking over an hour. Feeding alone was a full time job spread over 24 hours.

I hadn’t heard about cluster feeding. Babies like to feed continuously sometimes. Rather than eating every three hours, they feed for something like for 3 – 6 hours straight. Ada cluster fed her first night, I was in the hospital and a bit beside myself wanting to sleep. The nurse propped the two of us up on our sides and I dozed while Ada fed all through the night. This happened again on the second night at the birth unit. It was the possibility of needing to feed all night that scared me about going home, I thought it may be easier to do that at the maternity unit with help. The less than friendly night staff meant I wanted to go home anyway. On her third night Ada slept in her wee bassinet next to us not needing feeding all night and nights have been OK since then.

Now feeding is easy and fun and she grins cheeky grins up at me mid way through. Not in public darling.

What things surprised other parents in the first weeks?

labour

This post has been a long time coming.  When a baby arrives there is so much to learn and so much feeding to do and all the while you need to start recovering from the birth. For me my labour story was blurry and I had to keep asking questions about what happened and when. A lovely friend asked for all the details, which was nice because once the baby arrives all the focus goes on them (as of course it should). Also as a Mum you have often gone through a rather traumatic experience, coupled with a drop in all your happy pregnancy hormones and a chance to talk through what happened in labour is necessary. Here is Ada’s arrival story, it is really detailed, those details are important to me!

I went into labour really positive. I had planned to give birth at Botany Maternity Unit with minimal medical assistance. On Thursday night contractions started about 10pm they increased in strength and intensity and by 1am I wanted Cam there with me. We watched live comedy on DVD and paced about the lounge. At 3am the contractions were 5 minutes apart and about a minute long, we called the midwife who requested we call back when they were three minutes apart. Cam and I diligently recorded the start and finish of each contraction, they would be three minutes apart then four, then five, then three… By 5.30am Cam had fallen asleep and the contractions had basically worn themselves out. How disappointing.

Late Friday night the contractions started back up again, they felt stronger and longer and lasted all night. At 8.30am we couldn’t get hold of our midwife but talked to her associate and decided to come into the hospital where she was. On the way there I had contractions in the car and while standing at the nurses station getting admitted they were still coming, but by the time my midwife arrived they were petering out again. It was kind of embarrassing sitting on the hospital bed talking normally and waiting for the contractions to show up so she could get started.  Two full nights of contractions, all night long and no baby on the way! My belly got hooked up to a monitor for a check up that we had scheduled for the Sunday morning. We discovered that Ada was happy in there, her heart rate was steady as she goes. We went home disappointed with having to keep waiting for our wee arrival and to try and get some rest.  

I felt the contractions start again at 4pm Saturday afternoon and my waters broke about 6pm. There was no going back!  At 8pm and the contractions are most definitively the 3 minute interval and one minute duration required to be heading into labour proper. My midwife comes to see us at home and takes a look at the ‘waters’, there is a little meconium in them so we so we go to Middlemore rather than the birth unit. On the way there I was still positive about the labour process that was about to happen and I had the thought that whatever happens I am taking home a healthy baby. 

Everything progresses for a few hours. Then I am still kind of hazy on the order of things,  I get to 8cm dilated at one point then later go backwards and am only 7cm dilated  with uneven cervix width on one side! So I lie on my side to try and get this evened out, this position is more painful but it rights the issue and I am evenly dilated at about 8cm. Around 11pm it seems I am entering transition to go into the final active stage of labour. Instead and hour goes by and the contractions completely level off and never return to prior intensity or speed.  All is quiet.

So now it is about midnight on Sunday morning and I now get assessed by the registrar and it is decided that my labour needs a kick start, I get a drip in my arm for fluids and to deliver the artificial labour hormone syntocin. I also get an epidural because I have been in labour for so long and the syntocin is going to increase the intensity of the contractions a lot. Cam calls Jo to come and sub in for him during the epidural and the growing contractions over the next few hours and he has a nap in the waiting room. As Jo arrives the contractions are increasing and I am offered gas for pain relief for the first time since this all began, this works well for me. About 1.30am the anaesthetist arrives and I get the epidural with no drama. Later reading the monitors on my belly reveals that again the contractions are leveling off; they are not regular and strong enough for me to be fully dilated. The syntocin gets cranked up a few more times in the night and the doctors come in to check my progress. I am now racing the clock to be 10cm dilated at a reasonable time in order to be able to push baby out myself or I am going downstairs to theatre for a C section. All the while the heart rate monitor on my belly shows that Ada was in no distress while waiting in position to be born.

The final deadline is 6am, upon examination I am fully dilated. Hooray! I finally get the go ahead to push but we wait for an hour and they keep the contractions going and we all get an hours sleep and rest while Ada continues to slowly travel down the birth canal. 7am Sunday morning another exam reveals that Ada is now within touching distance and that she has hair!  I begin pushing, the epidural means I can only just feel when the time is right to do so. Jo and Cam and my midwife are amazingly supportive during this time. The contractions again level off and the syntocin gets increased a few more times even during this period.  The leveling off means that not every contraction is strong enough for me to push with. Two hours later results in no baby and a C section is still not off the cards. The doctors changed shifts so a different team examines me. They measure me pushing to see if baby is actually moving from all my efforts, she is, relief! A full medical team has assembled and are setting up equipment to assist me with either forceps or a ventouse. This is the first time I felt a bit scared, as I hadn’t been told this was about to happen. The decision was that I had been in labour long enough and needed to get this baby out. The doctor sets up with a ventouse and she pulls when I push, even this is not one smooth action, it results in a crazy amount of pain, considering I have an epidural and no baby is born yet.  We try again, waiting for a strong contraction to assist us, then slip, something shifts, there is a lot of blood and finally she is born at 9.13am on the 27^th of November! Hallelujah!!

It was so comforting that Ada was happy as a clam, even after lying in the birthcanal, ready to go and within touching distance for the duration of the last phase. Her heart rate never showed signs of distress and I was able to stay calm throughout her birth. Is it not amazing how alert and calm she is in her birth photos after all that waiting!

lovely moments

When Cam and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last Tuesday. Woohoo! Our present to each other was an evening out alone. It was such a treat to go to Secret Thai Garden in Otahuhu, South Auckland's finest thank you. Thank you to Aunty Jo for babysitting.

When watching Frozen Planet I confess to Cam that I love baby animals way more than I used to. How lovely is it that Cam said he loves them more now too?! I am not really an animal person and don't think I have ever been so enraptured by baby animals.  While watching the polar bear cubs I find their floppy bumbles in the snow similar to Ada's kicks and squiggles.  Sooooo cute!  I am ridiculous. This also happened watching mummy and daddy FISH. I love Attenborough, a lot. 

When Ada slept through to 6am on Friday! Amazing! We eagerly await the next installment. Sleep is a truly lovely moment.

When Ada propels herself forward pushing with her feet against my hand while lying on her tummy. She looks so pleased with herself and can travel some centimetres.

When Ada sings along with me in the mornings. She is really into the cooing and the throaty sounds, it will be so fun when she uses words!

When Ada had the widest eyes at our first trip to the supermarket, taking it all in from her view in the front pack before giving in to sleep half an hour later.  She really seems to love new things. I was so relieved that she enjoyed it and I could replenish the pantry again after 7 weeks.

When the Plunket nurse came to visit on Monday, Ada is 2.5kg heavier and 6 cm longer than at birth, not bad at 8 weeks old. The loveliest moment was when she fussed I lifted her up and down in this way she has always liked and elicited her first giggles. Best sound ever. This photo is a month ago. Evidence of her growing fast!

When she smiles and coos at her mobile, these magical musical underwater pals circling above her. I have to remind myself not to be jealous of it's powers to entertain her. I have placed her underneath it with tears in her eyes and a grizzle in progress and she has stopped  to enjoy it. Her glistening eyes smiling back at a smiling octopus in a bow tie or a dolphin in a sailor hat, that is a particularly lovely moment. 

predictable

So motherhood does irrevocably change you. 

There are those clichés about not understanding this until it happens to you and it is true. I have come out of the first month haze. Yay! But this means less adrenaline sadly, so I am feeling a bit tired. I am also feeling a bit boring. All along I have been aware of how my mind has become rather singularly focused on baby things. Practically speaking this is a good thing, as you can see Ada is not only surviving, she is thriving.

When I receive email about baby developments and potential mommy issues updates I read them all because they apply so much to me in that very moment. Oh how I love to learn. However, I still want to be interesting to others but I am afraid I have forgotten how. I am socially aware enough to ask people lots of questions but in terms of holding up my end of the conversation I feel a bit flat. I am still not able to concentrate on a book or a newspaper. O dear! Does this get better?  

Here is Ada requesting a fist bump.

This week I learnt a lot about octopuses (that is a real word) and I am a little obsessed with them. A topic unrelated to babies that is holding my interest! Here is something to whet your appetite… The male pillow octopus is a few centimetres long and 40000 times smaller than the female. When he finds a lady he breaks of his special sex tentacle and gives it to her, she then stores it in her mantle for later use. The lucky gent then dies a slow death after this. Oh, and this tiny guy uses man o war tentacles to defend himself. Um, amazing. 

Better watch this link on silent if you don't like cheesy American narration, the style akin to AFV: shark vs octopus, who will win?!.

I also highly recommend the show, Beauty and the Geek. You will fall in love with both the earnest beauties and geeks. Many laughs to be had at the beauties ditzy comments and the geeks witty self-depreciating quips. Dreamy.

Ok that is all.

 Who wouldn't obsess over that face? Sheesh!

training wheels

So far those who have asked me whether I love motherhood are not mothers themselves. It was a hard question to answer truthfully. The first time someone asked I was out for my second social event since birth and it was my first time attempting to interact with strangers. Cam and I were to at a lush Chrissie party. Ada took 1.5 hours to go to sleep making it her most unsettled period to date. (Some of you will have now guessed she isn't a colicky baby and must be pretty darn good and she is and of course I feel very lucky.  However, it was still stressful for me to be out that night, I was tired, a bit overwhelmed and hungry. My initial response was that motherhood was too much of a learning curve at that point to ‘just love it’ but that I loved our wee girl. Then I proceeded to show one of 200 pictures I have on my phone.

Ada is 6 weeks old and every day is different. We find joy in her smallest achievements. Those who are not in baby land would see this as an inordinate amount of joy in the tiniest of moments. Tracking something with her eyes. A burp. Lifting her head of the mat and looking rather chuffed herself with the achievement. Full nappies are a sign of wonderful ingestion and digestion. A big toothless smile and a faint hint of a giggle. She can be very intent and gives us a bit of chatter but her playmat really gets her talking, she coos away at pictures more than us!

I am sure I will love 'motherhood' in time but as yet I still feel like such a beginner. The first 3 weeks were truly feeding and sleeping and burping, that was true for both Ada and I.  Thanks to those who have said Cam and I are doing great, we totally think that is all Ada’s doing, but appreciate the encouragement.

Curly hair!

A few laughs! 

 Cheeks and a power suit.