to work or not to work?

I have been intending to write more than captions for photos on here for the longest time. Two months ago I told myself that I would write something on average every two days. I published 4 coffe blogs that day and that was it. Yesterday a dear friend said if I wrote a baby book she would be a follower. Too kind! Trouble is, I don’t really write! As an aside said friend would be an amazing writer and have you glued to her life and her insights, she is a quiet hero of mine.  

My general demeanour is happy go lucky with a dose of charming complaints. I don’t get angry or depressed often, what you see is what you get. However, when I process big thoughts they usually simmer under the surface, waiting patiently until I get the right opportunity to discus with a good friend. I can usually draw this process out until action is required. Trying to capture big thoughts when they happen is a lot of the reason why I blog. Having to finish the thinking process before I press publish helps me to be disciplined with finishing what I start, I need this to write and I often need this to think things through. I get distracted easily, sometimes by a cute baby waking up, more often by FB or Trademe. 

who me?

For the past few months I have had some low level background dissatisfaction with myself or with life. The simplest answer seems to be a job, I sort of want one for the money and for the variety. Do I get a fill the gaps job, put my very wonky career on hold? Do I dig deep and figure out my next step on the path to my perfect job? I haven’t really been willing to look this in the eye because I am grateful for the opportunity and support from Cam to care for Ada full time and want to make the most of it. To name aloud that I am unsatisfied makes it bigger and more problematic, when day-to-day I am really happy with things. 

When we returned from Canada and I was 5 months pregnant getting a full time job was not on the cards. When Mum friends discuss going back to work I feel like my position is moot as I don’t have a job to go back to, the decision is made for me.  Even though I have spouted all these thoughts here I haven’t come up with an answer, just said the question aloud. Work is only a small part of what may be the solution and I am not sure of my next step at all. I am finding it a bit disconcerting, like I said, this has been on my mind for months, my abilty to put off thinking these big thoughts has been rather accentuated by my ongoing baby brain. As it stands I am not figuring this out yet, I am going to enjoy Ada's first year without worrying about this. I am waiting until January to see what I come up with and plan on booking in some soul searching over the holidays.