(p)raising girls

I used to be 'for women' but not a 'feminist', a distinction that I no longer see the need to make. I kinda think women don't get a fair deal and I want to see that change, sounds a bit like a feminist I guess. Now that I have two girls I really care about what works with how I parent them. I do see boys and girls as different and that will lead to some differences in how we relate to each, but articles like this one show me that as a parent I want to be mindful how I talk to my girls, particularly because they are girls. It talks about the messages girls generally get versus the messages boys get during schooling and how they impact on the child's desire to make an effort. Kids (often girls) who are always 'good' and 'clever' and always told so seem to find it very unsettling when they can't do something first try (I can still relate to this at times!). However the message 'if you would just put in some effort I am sure you will succeed' explains to a kid (often a boy who can't sit still for example), that we persist when things are difficult and that success is the result of effort. It sounds simple enough...

There seems to be lots of study and discussion about what sort of praise works. At Playcentre for example there is a general philosopy to be as specific as possible with praise (Faber and Mazlish talk about this in their book, How To Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids Will Talk). This article here echoes the first one I mention above and encourages the reader to praise girls effort during the process rather than the only at the outcome. “The kids who are getting this process praise, those are the kids who want the challenge.” Praising persistence, engagement and perseverance through frustration builds resilience.

This is easy to say and hard to do but I am willing to practice. Ada is 3 months off three and up until now really has flitted between activities both at home and at Playcentre. Though it seems this is changing and I'm excited to see her interests develop. Until then we will continue to sing let it go and play with stickers!

Here she is on a gym trip persisting with the rings, she loves them! Go girl!