4th trimester style

Pregnancy jeans are a given. Thank you Jeanswest.

Bad hair is also a given, I barely look in the mirror at the moment so hair is a real touch and go scenario.

Sad things, this is a photo of my hair on a better day (good cut thanks Michelle!) and Olive has grown out of my fave newborn suit. Bye bye birdie.

Make up is a huge confidence boost post baby birth as any effort is noticed by loved ones. They prefer that to your 2 days + no shower self, go figure.

Green cowboy boots and new duffle coat make any breast feeding/post preg body outfit have some class. Thank goodness for wintery layers covering weird outfit of pregnancy clothes that don't fit right but fit better than your old clothes. 

Ooo, award winning photography. Hmm all this captures is my lack of teal shoe polish. You get the drift though? Boots=littlebitcool.

Your 20 month old is more fashion than you.

20 months / 20 days

Ada is 20 months old as of Saturday and Olive is 20 days old today. Two girls. Amazing. Crazy! Good. 

cousins!

Off to the piglets at Ambury Farm

Ada loves, loves, loves her cousins! So much so that she talked about Neo for weeks and weeks after our last visit to the Bay of Plenty. We wondered if she was using Neo as her word for friend? We don't see this crew often enough but it is always a party when we get together!

The crew

Grace, Neo, Olive and Mum

Neo and Carmen rocking the toy oven

The Axe

Carmen sharsies

best advice I ever got, newborn part two, what I wish I had said...

Thanks to a friend on bookface I read this very insightful newborn post. The message is mostly: relax! I am not prone to relaxing when my wee newborn looks to me like a puzzle to solve. I do love puzzles. But my wee puzzle is exhausting and much cuter when asleep than upset, so I am learning to go at her pace and not mine. Here is some great newborn advice from Pregnant Chicken. I am essentially more like the 'someone's' than the author. Read the original post here! (Please excuse the crazy formatting, blogger is as bad at editing as MS Word).

A doctor told a very good friend of mine that the first three months of a baby's life is like a fourth trimester (I guess it wouldn't be called a trimester then but whatev). He said that some major development is far from done but we wouldn't be able to give birth to their giant heads if they stayed in the womb any longer (I wouldn't say that they fit really well at 40 weeks either but I'm not going to argue with nature.)

My friend told me this when my first son was about a month old and I was trying to implement all the "well intended" (code for "shit") advice that is often bestowed on a new mother. It was like an Oprah A-Ha moment and it made perfect sense. If I just let him live his life like he's still in the womb my life will become way less complicated. Here's what I did:

I stopped trying to give him a bath every night.

Someone told me a bath was essential to establishing a bedtime schedule. She also told me that this should be followed by a massage (sadly for him, not me) and a story. He hated bath time because he was naked and freezing (for the record, he loves being both now), the massage confused him just long enough to get through it and I don't know why I thought reading "Go Dog Go" to a two-week old was logical, but then "sane" wasn't an adjective I'd use for me in the first three months of my child's life. I accepted that he was a newborn and not a member of the Deadliest Catch fishing crew so he wasn't dirty and he didn't need a bath. (Olive has had one bath so far!)

I stopped dressing him in anything other than jammies.

He ate, he pooed, he slept and he cried in a one-hour, round-the-clock cycle. When you have a newborn there is no day and night. I quickly found out that newborns don't have schedules and they are like those creepy rave kids strung out on E, they want to party at 4am AND 4pm. It was a perpetual Groundhog Day so why dress for that? Plus, you just have to undress them if they happen to fall into a blissful sleep around 8pm because IT'S BEDTIME!! (said in a high-pitched control freak shrill) and they don't help with the undressing for a while so it's like stripping a surly, drugged monkey. Not pretty.

I fed him when he wanted to eat.

I remember crying, "he can't be hungry, I just fed him!" so I would try everything to get him to stop only to find out he did want to eat. He would promptly spit it all up but he was happy and therefore I was happy. My motto was "Pick him up. Fill his mouth. Change his bum." If that didn't work, I'd hand him to his father, say "I can't take it anymore" then cry in the bathroom. It worked for us.

I always let him sleep.

Another "helpful" person told me I should never let a child sleep past 4pm because you'll never get them to bed. This is, in fact, true FOR A TWO YEAR OLD. If your newborn is sleeping, don't wake them. Even though it may not seem like it, they sleep about 16 hours out of 24 in a day and if you think you can roll that into 8 consecutive hours you think wrong. That's like you sleeping one month so you can stay up for two – you'd starve and/or go bonkers. If your baby is sleeping,  sleep yourself or hit the Southern Comfort – don't poke the bear. (Miss routine is now miss leave the baby alone, a big change at our house!)
  
I didn't do any classes. 

You know these classes that they have to "stimulate" your newborn. Let me tell you something, being awake stimulates your newborn. Jingling keys is like an effing air show to them so don't bother with the damn classes. If you want to feel normal and a part of humanity go do something that stimulates you (in a non-porn way) and just sit the baby in the corner or have it strapped to you in a baby carrier. They don't know where the hell they are anyway so there's no point in you having to sit through "If You're Happy and You Know It" clapping your baby's hands like a newborn/E.T. puppet show because I can guarantee you that your newborn is thinking "I'm not happy and I know it. If I had a dry bum, a full tummy and was asleep on your chest while you lay on the couch watching a taped episode of your favourite show, now that would be pretty damn sweet". 

I stopped changing his bum constantly. 

When I was sent home from the hospital they gave me a chart to record his peeing and pooing to make sure he was eating enough and everything was in "working order". I was so happy. I love charts and I loved the small sliver of control I had over the situation. The problem was I got into the habit of changing him every 20 minutes or so. This included the night so if he woke up to eat, I changed him after which meant he woke up that much more which meant it was harder for him to go back to sleep which was not pretty because by the time I got him back to sleep he was hungry again. Once I figured out that if you grease up their little bums and slap a diaper on them they can pretty much make it through the night without a change unless they poo.   

I picked him up if he cried.

Some people warned me that this would "spoil him" and he would manipulate me and cry every time he wanted me. Er, okay, look at me and my sneaky baby! My thinking was I would rather pick him up to find out nothing was wrong rather than leave him to cry and find out something was. 

I let him sleep on me.

This was considered a big no-no by many because I was "creating a bad habit". Even I wondered if I would have to rock him to sleep and have him sleep on my chest in his dorm room at college (which would make for some awkward roommate moments) because I didn't establish a sleep schedule early on. Here's the thing, even if you get something established in the beginning, they change so damn quickly that it will be out the window the next week and you're back to square one. A wise friend once told me "whatever gets you though the day" and him sleeping on my chest while I watched a movie got me through the day. So there.

Personally, I think you have plenty of time to get all these schedules into place so just do "whatever gets you through the day" for the first little while and cut yourself a break. I like the idea of the fourth trimester. All you need for those first few months is to provide them with warmth, food and love – the nightly baths, ferberizing and Mommy and Me classes can wait a bit. I'm just grateful nature decided that it made more sense for them to be on this side of the fish tank rather than making us give birth to 18lb babies, but I'm weird like that.

how things are with me

Firstly an apology to those of you who follow me, my lovely readers, in my efforts to post something each day I have hit publish on unfinished words with not quite the right photos to match. I often go back a few days later and improve things. Not that you see that! So sorry to you for getting my first draft sometimes! Of course getting home from hospital and then Cam going back to work leaves me busier and therefore more tired and less inclined to blog about being busy and tired. That sounds a bit dull!

It has been a big week. I'm just processing it now and deciding what to post here. Blogging about struggles is tricky, I'm quite private in one sense (she says to the internet) and even more so when things are tough. On the other hand I want to tell my story, I am sometimes too shy to offer it in person and so can reflect on what I want to say before writing a blog post. I enjoy that process and someone else might benefit from my experience. 

Firstly, Ada is going great guns. She is loving all the visitors and play dates. I'm trying to put together a video of her chatting away so I have a record of what she says and how she says it. Current faves are 'my turn' and '_____ time', she actually says 'puzzle time' or "horsie time'. I'll post that soonish. She is pretty delightful, lucky us!

Olive has been a hard baby over the last week. Olive who was windy became Olive who was generally unhappy when not feeding, jumping off and on and screaming in between the whole time while awake. We were winding her and tying so many different methods and she would seem to be crying in pain, then in frustration and then crying due to wanting to feed again. It was heartbreaking to try to feed her again to have her pull away crying and repeat the cycle a few minutes later when she wants more. We are trying wind drops but without amazing success.

After a few days of this our midwife viewed a feed and saw how Olive seemed to not feed for very long and get increasingly frustrated. She said babies that don't feed for long and pull off a lot can be remedied by removing a tongue tie. Olive had a major tongue tie at birth but a great amount of suction, combined with lots of milk in me, she fed well when first home, a full feed may have only taken 8 minutes. Progressively each feed cycle seemed to get harder and harder, the midwife wonders if as she got hungrier she was getting more frustrated. In any case we opted to get her tongue tie cut in the hopes this would be a solution for our unhappy Olive. That was Wednesday afternoon. Wednesday night she successfully fed without getting upset at both her middle of the night feeds, it seems like the mini surgery has improved things. Thursday we had space to put Olive down awake to observe life in her bouncer, something we hadn't really done, she had been too intense when awake previously. She is still demonstrating signs of wind troubling her on some but not all feeds. I am keen to have a happy settled Olive so my next effort will be trying eliminate gassiness and increase probiotics in me. 

But now I have a bit of space to breathe and to imagine things becoming a bit easier with my two beautiful girls. It is wonderful.

kiss

happy fortnight Olive!

Two weeks old yesterday and hungrier than ever.

Getting weighed, Ada helping out

Right now Olive is asleep on my chest and snoring. Delightful moments xxx

sisters

I can't even guess how many posts I may want to call sisters but here is the inaugural one. 

Ada loves to pat and kiss olive. Today she waited for olive to have a hat on before she gave her a peck on the head. She is so keen to be near me sometimes when I am feeding that any direction from Cam or I can overwhelm her and she feels told off or left out, so we are taking as gentle a route as possible for Ada at the mo. She doesn't hit or get frustrated at Olive, so that isn't an issue, yay!

what a difference a day makes

Like I've said and others have said, take each day as it comes. Olive was calmer today, I've understood a bit of the pattern with her wind and her tears and it resulted in a couple of better awake sessions.  I managed to get a few picks of her calm and awake! 

When Ada had a sleep today Olive was still asleep too so guess what I did? Yep. Slept. Then Olive woke and went back to sleep before Ada woke again! I could handle that every day, I really could. 

the best advice I ever got: newborn/breast feeding

Disclaimer: newborns are hard work! My newborn is currently hard work! You are exhausted and doing your best during this season and every day is different. Repeat after me: "every day and possibly every feed is different, this is OK!" What works today may not work tomorrow. This can be confusing and frustrating. Keep going, you are just getting to know someone as they get used to getting to know the world outside the womb. That is a big deal!

Tired Olive

• I am so blessed to have little eaters and can't comment on the stresses of tricky boobs or tricky babies and feeding. My hats off to you ladies. I get stressed and emotional from not being able to predict what my little new baby wants or needs, but both our equipment is working, I know some of you persevere with a much tougher situation. You are amazing mamas!
• Take offers of help and food on your terms. Repeat after me, "Yes, come visit at xxx time and a lasagne sounds amazing!"



Day old Ada!

• When you first get home during the day wake baby to feed every three hours. I modify this after a cluster feed is finally over. That cluster feeding is hard work and everyone needs a rest. During the night leave baby to wake you up, hopefully not very many times.
• Eat and drink lots. Yay! Finally an excuse. When you are home with baby it may pay to make your lunch (or ask someone else to) the night before. Smoothies in the fridge are good too. I eat cottage cheese and rice crackers and almonds and baking at the moment like there is no tomorrow. To be honest today is enough, let's just think about today (insert bible reference here, how wise!).

• 

  Smiley Sleeping Olive

   
• Feed baby as long as possible on one side. They gots to gets the hind milk to be full and fatty and getting to the hind milk takes time. Baby will always fall into stupor and become a milk drunk little tyke, you can rouse baby with foot and hand massage, cooling them down by taking off a layer of clothing or a wrap, or pulling them in close. 

• 

  Mouthy Olive

• When it seems like baby is finished, change babies nappy and then, feed more. Full baby = sleepy baby. 
• Sleeping baby = resting mama. Rest. You must.

• 

  It is not a glamorous job, motherhood.

• Get some burping variations. Wind is a tricky tricksome trouble for most newborns. Treasures magazine showed me traditional, sandwich, triangle and tummy holds for burping. 
• Take each day one at a time, then each hour one at a time, if not each minute. You are doing this!

keeping it real

Olive is a windy babe. She is hard to wind and hard to settle. Somewhere in the windy screams she switches to exhausted and needing comfort and the wind is no longer her priority, mama is. Suddenly she will fall asleep when 5 minutes before she is thrashing about. When Olive is upset Ada gets upset easily too, so we have had a few tears in the last few days. I'm trying to remind myself to take one day at a time. Thankfully Cameron doesn't have to work 40 hours this week, we are a team and we can do this together! My little brain wants to problem solve, problem solve, problem solve. Newborns don't quite work like that. Enjoy the peaceful moments that are here and now. 

home for a week

Happy Friday! I cannot believe it has been 7 days already. Cam goes back to work, sort of full time on Monday. I cannot believe that either. Let's not think about it.

Highlights of the week apart from Olive and Ada:

Baking! Thank you thank you to the bakers. You are amazing and your products are delicious. 

Flowers! We love to have fresh flowers in our home but it is seldom the case. I have so many lilies but they are subtly scented. Perfect!

Cameron! My midwife said it right when she said every family needs a Cam. 

Little trips! Ada has been on her first play date without us. She was well behaved and giggled a lot, I am so proud! We went to the farm too, it was so nice to spend some QT with my cutie.  Hee, cool rhymes make for cool reads ah?

Visitors! Little visits and long visits. Ada is loving the variety and so am I. Hello world xx

first outing

On Tuesday we honored our family tradition of babies first outing to Ruby Red. Goodness getting out the door was hard. The lemon slice and coffee was worth it.

1 week old - all about Olive

Her full name is Olive Joy Hockly. 

She was born at 00.59 on Tuesday 9th of July.

She laughed! When babies are just in the first stages of sleep they look like they are in a dream state, their faces move, their eyes flutter, they can get a bit breathless and they break out into beautiful smiles. It is so much joy to watch. They are often called windy smiles and that may be all they are but boy do they make me wonder if God whispers memories to babies before they're born. I don't say things like that lightly, hormones do though perhaps... Olive said hahaha, hahaha during this state on Saturday night!!

Olive was 53 cm long at birth.  She doesn't fit half her newborn clothes...

She was 4.165 kg at birth so she feels a bit like a month old baby in my arms. 

At one week old Olive weighs 4.16kg. Feeding her is going great. Winding and settling her is sometimes great, other times...

She has a roll on the back of her neck already!

Like her big sister, to be awake is to be hungry. Goodbye jaundice! Get ready world!